At the threshold of another beginning

It surely felt like another beginning. The signs were the same.The brightness, the lightness, a certain sure-footedness. I looked at her clear eyes and the fixed gaze.I realized how determined she was. There was nothing to say. No need for consolation, no support, no vain good words of positive reinforcement, nothing.

“When life events had occurred earlier, it was never my doing, I was just the actor, playing the role laid out to me.” But “this”, she waved her hand with what may be called arrogance, “is  me. I charter the course of my life now. It feels good to hold the reins. It breaks my back sometimes, but, is there any gain without pain?”

We kept looking ahead, staring at a vague something. Having watched her struggle through low self-esteem, doubt, fear, loneliness I had almost given up on this woman.But she proved me wrong. Her bull-like resilience  helped her stand up  un-cowed to the walking away from responsibilities of others. When dialogues, advice, suggestions, hope and patience ran out, she took the spade into her own hands. She made decisions, entered spaces hitherto,oh-so-not-her -kind and well, made a niche for herself.

It was one such day that she decided upon buying a flat for herself. Flat, you? I asked surprised but how? You don’t earn enough? What if you lose job? Why so, over ambitious? I am not going to give you a penny, declared someone. And I never expected you to, she laughed.Are you crazy or stupid? Why do you want to burden yourself ?I asked bewildered at her stubbornness. The philosophess replies smugly, “I am just buying a bubble for myself in the transience of this life. It happens to be costly, but its my bubble, that’s all.”

 

 

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