“I went to take the blessings of my father on my birthday. He said, How old are you da? 25, I said. What?! that Sharmaji’s son is 26, said my father,” joked Vikas Sangam,of the famous Punchtantra, in his hilarious toastmasters speech.
Some samples of ‘comparomaniacs showcasing their compar-abilities’:
Mother and daughter walking to the market work or any other place, by-stander: “Mother and daughter, oh, like sisters only. Why such a dark mother got a fair daughter? What you ate during your pregnancy, tell me, no, I want to tell my daughter too. She is not fair just like you! ”
Mother to the darker son” Who will give you their girl da? You are soooo dark. Good that you are not a girl.Thank god.”
Anonymous onties and ankles” What you are not taking care of your daughter properly? Why she is becoming dark like this? Use kumkumadi thailam, I used it in my younger days. Works like magic.”
“Appa, why this girl is soo fat, at this age? How will you get her married off? Do something no! So much technology nowadays.My cousin is an expert in this field. Take this number and try some thing will work, don’t worry”. (The same onties and ankles will never turn up with remedies if you are diagnosed with some thing serious, mind you!)
“Kala come here, stand next to Lata, see who is taller? What is your mother giving you Kala, you have grown tall. Don’t grow too tall ok, you will not get a boy for yourself”.
“Such a tall boy pa, you are, who will marry you, Mr.ladder? No body will give you their girl!”
” Why your sister has such thick hair, so long too and black? Why is yours so less? I can almost see your scalp.Difficult ok, people will make fun of you!”
“Did you hear that Sarala bought a flat, so young, so smart she is? That is how intelligent people are. You are well into your thirties and no flat! I feel so bad when people ask me about your situation. What do I tell them?”
“My aunt’s sister’s child has just given birth to a boy. Now you have been married for 10 years and no child! It’s so embarrassing. I can’t face my relatives. (This despite whatever the couple are doing to get the child at well timed intervals.) I will die without seeing a grand child!
To a well-to-do friend said another” You are really smart. Managing so much. So brave. But in your school time and all you were never so good, no! So shy you were, I still remember.”
A rather ticked off mom-in-law determined to destroy her daughter-in-law’s confidence, “How your breasts look! Like an old woman’s. I don’t know why my son married you! I was never like this in my youth!”
“In my entire khandan, no girl ever gave birth to a girl. All of us have given birth to boys!”.
” You are tall but see how I actually look taller than you! It is always like that, right from my childhood”, mother/mother-in-law to bahu/daughter.
“Nowadays even you look fairer than me,” said a desperate mother to a daughter.
“Your baby is soo dark, is it because of your husband?”
The list is endless and one can just go on and on. If only we learnt to be a little more sensitive and kept our mouths shut a little more, the world would be a better place for all.